Lord I only want to serve you at any cost. I have went over this thought in my mind before. I went over this six years ago when my boy Mark got ran over by a Excercion. Lord I spoke to you about all my fears. You know that I was afraid to allow you to be in control. I was afraid that I might have to lose someone dear to me if I allowed you to be Lord of my life. I did not want to give the things that you had in trusted to me back to You. I thought If I did not give them to you, I would not allow anything to happen to them. I thought I was in control. I thought that I could protect them if I did not hand them over to you. This is definitely a lie . I was afraid that if I handed them over to you that I might lose one of them to You. It has took me along time to see that my family was yours to begin with. That you had created each and everyone of them, and you love them far more then I can imagine. I have no control over what can happen to my family anyway. You say that the earth and every living thing in it is yours. You have created all things . How could I think that I could have control over anything! I am not the creator of the Heavens and the Earth. I have not created one thing. I was only allowed by you to be able to procreate. I was created by you! You for Knew me before time began, you knew me in my mothers womb.
This is why you deserve all my praises. You know the number of my days. You know the number of every ones days you knew this before the beginning of time. This is stated in your word. I know that your word is absolute truth! I know You are the creator of all living things that you are in control of all things. So how could I fear You. How could I fear giving all that I have to You! The only real fear that I should have is not knowing You. I know that I should only fear not having You in my life. We fear because we do not know truth. God is truth and in him there is no fear. In him there is sound mind! In him there is peace! In him there is true Joy! In him there is true rest! In him I am alive! In him I have a life worth living! Thank you O God for showing me that I do not have to fear You! I only have to fear not knowing You! You O God are in control of all things.
I went to go see Marks swim therapy today. Mark has done better even today. Marks therapy began, with a life preserver around his neck and round floaty around his ankles this allowed Mark to float on his back all by himself. Kelly, the therapist, would ask Mark to push his stomach up to the surface of the water and Mark would do it. Then Kelly would ask Mark to push his bottom towards the bottom of the pool, by grabbing his ankles. Mark done this. Mark enjoyed floating on his back after he got use to the water, you could see he was more relaxed than yesterday.
Kelly then took Mark to the deep end of the pool so mark could practice walking. When Kelly started to have Mark walk he told Mark move your right foot forward then your left. Kelly would say right left right left right left Mark began to say right left right left as he took each step. Mark was concentrating so hard on doing exactly what Kelly asked him, he did a great job! Mark was able to walk from one side of the pool to the other three times. Mark had the most difficult time doing the turn around at the end of the pool. Mark then got to wear goggles so he could float on his stomach. Mark enjoys doing this but he does not like the water in his eyes or on his face. Marks session was over. Kelly had to put Mark back on the chair that lowered him in the pool to begin with. When Mark was in his own wheelchair he told me he had tried hard for Dad. I remembered the day before when my Dad was bent over holding my brothers hands on Marks lap. Dad had told Mark you have to keep trying, Mark you can not give up. Dad told my brother that he was very proud of him, for all the hard work he was doing. Dad said ''I love you Mark'' My Dad has not always expressed his emotion in words to all us, but we knew by my Dads actions that he has always loved us! So when Dad told Mark he loved him I could see how much this meant to Mark. My brother then told Dad how much he loved him.
My Mom and Dad were sitting on a bench watching what Mark was doing. I waved my Dad over so my Dad could hear what Mark just told me. I told Mark to tell Dad what you just said. Mark said "I have been working hard for you Dad"Mark had remembered what our Dad had ask him to do the day before. Dad said that's good son I am proud of you son, and I have been working hard for you son too", Mark looked at Dad with a smile and said" that's good we need it'. This warmed my heart. I also seen my Dad eyes well up, I am sure with shear joy, because Mark was trying so hard for Dad. God you never seize to amaze me! Mark is coming back.
Lord I do not choose to know you through knowledge alone, but I chose to Know you through the heart. This is what you intended for us when you step off your throne and walk as a man amongst us. You chose to make yourself known to all mankind. You chose for man to see with their very own eyes the love and compassion you had for all no matter what their sin was you still welcomed them unto You! You change the sinner out of love and compassion. You did not condemn them you welcomed them and then you told them to go and sin no more! You chose to suffer on the cross so that we could see the love that you have for us. You rose from the grave because the grave could not hold you because you did not sin yourself. All this was done out of love for us Lord. I chose to know you from the heart. I know if I know you from the heart I will be changed by your love alone.
May, 20 2009 Andy Slender has went in for surgery for colan caner will everybody please pray for her and her family !
1 comment:
Reading this made me cry. Sounds like Mark is doing so well, trying so hard. Your family is still strong and there for one another with God at your side. Thank you for sharing your memories and stories with us. Keep up the good work, Mark, you are doing wonderful. We all know you will recover well. God Bless.
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